welcome to the world of arguments and analysis.

im happy to meet you again.

get ready, brace for the long and bumpy ride.... deb soc. :)

1 vanity.

{ mood } contemplative

clarity.

today was a bad day. but nonetheless, it has made me stronger as a person. feeling the fatigue of the commuting public, impatiently waiting for a train to who-knows-where, ending up in a squatter's area because of bad directions.... isn't this the real world?

it's the "yabang" that i could ride the katipunan jeep, but this has made me see something a lot more to life. UP is now as what i could say, a comfort zone. more than that, life has got me thinking about my priorities. while it is true that education may not be a prerequisite to success, i'd bet that many have used it. maybe it doesn't matter where you go to, as long as you are streetsmart, but sometimes, some opportunities just come to others. it made me think of the times that i cut my classes, never really thinking that it's manong ikot's tax money. and many of the people i know do not even think of that. i'm ashamed to say that i'm an ingrate. or maybe people have just become too apathetic. maybe someday, they would care for the dilapidated walls of as. or maybe someday, they would see these institutions where most of the people i have met held education as tightly as they could, never letting a day go to waste. sadly, they don't see it, that some things go beyond accolades, flashy material wealth. while i do admit that i still get impressed with bmw x5s, reason tells me to wake up, use this as an inspiration to study hard, with the idea that maybe one day, i'd be able to afford those things. but right now, it's living with what you have.

humility. it's one overabused term that many use to justify their actions. but in the end, it's about acceptance. acceptance of where you are, what you have. right now, studies first. maybe now, i see so many people with their flashy lifestyles, but it should not falter you and me from dreaming big.  

{ mood } sleepy

clarity.

i'm sorry, even if we haven't spoken yet. i understand why you feel that way, i probably would too. there are so many things i don't understand lately, about other people, myself, my family... but i understand why you're that mad. you're right. respect. i've been terrible lately to everyone. i guess misery has been my feeling for the longest time, and it has clouded my judgment.

when we talk, i would just listen. i want to hear everything, even the most painful words. because i love you. and i hope it comes soon. i know it won't be easy, but nothing has been easy for the past year. right now, i dont believe im worthy for a chance, because life never gave me one.

maybe i cant do anything anymore to save this friendship. but what i do know is that i want to be here to listen.

God, please help my mouth and my heart. Please help me to be strong. I know that I have hurt the people I love because of the sadness in my heart. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry to You, to them. I know that things would get harder, but with You, it would all be better. I seek for forgiveness and weep because of sadness and shame. For a long time, I have taken you for granted, thinking that I could live without you. But I am coming back to you. I love you. Amen. 

{ mood } depressed

clarity.

for the first time in my life, i learned to let go of the things i loved, i tried to hold on to. people change, circumstances change. and in the end, you realize that you've got no one, that you're standing alone in the midst of the chaos and confusion.

then the tear falls. there are some secrets i would never learn, things i would never fathom. but in the end, when your heart is tired, it's done. you feel the need to leave, to walk away from all the pain, when the people you've cared so much about have hurt you in more ways than one. i know i am far from perfect, but i would dare to say i did what i could.

monotomy of life has got me wondering whether there is a place for me in this world, whether there is someone out there for me. same faces, same names, same lines. it has made me too desperate, all too eager. but it's not supposed to be that way. more than that, when you stand in the middle, you realize that you don't have a place anymore, you don't feel welcome.

another tear falls. how could a place that felt so much like home for how many years suddenly become the very place that would scar your heart forever? my mistake was too love too much, even when the very core is destroyed.

change. and so i say goodbye and thank you. yes, i will still be there, but not as much anymore. i will be here when you need me, as a friend. change has torn everything apart, and i don't think it would change anytime soon.

walking to the college of mass comm, i realized something, that there is this beauty in simplicity. my life is gonna be a lot different, and i'll surely miss you guys. i love you, all of you. always remember that.

{ mood } sad

clarity.

a friend said that guys oftentimes easily assume that girls like them. just because we're at times friendly, sweet or caring doesn't mean we want to be yours. just because we do things for you doesn't mean we dream of holding your hands. assume, assume.

maybe there was a time that i actually wondered. i admit, i got confused. but in the end, it's not worth it. nothing at this point is worth fighting for, not even you. that's why i'm doing these. and you're making things harder for us. i hope things would change.

{ mood } sleepy

clarity.

Boston- Augustana

In the light of the sun,
Is there anyone?
Oh it has begun.
Oh dear, you look so lost,
eyes are red
and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed.
You said,

You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said,
You don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah.
yeah.

Essential yet appealed,
Carry all your thoughts
Across an open field,
When flowers gaze at you,
They're not the only ones
Who cry when they see you
You said,
You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said,
You don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah.

She said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.
I think I'll go to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of Sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh yeah.

You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,

Boston, where no one knows my name
where no one knows my name
where no one knows my name
Boston, where no one knows my name.

{ mood } sad

clarity.

cheers to the best ending of summer. to a night of confessions, lovers and all the wild stuff. to the drama, i love. it was fun to tease couples, in the end, backfiring. to naked men in the bathroom. to almost crushes. to choices and controversies. to four hour coffee conversations over corny jokes and music. to being a paramedic for a night. to sleeping beside two people close to me. to snoring boys who has side burns i'd love to remove. to watching beach volley tournaments. to the beach, which now brings back wonderful memories. to the best fish salad i've ever tasted. to the exchange of boardshorts and funny peeing boys on the expressway. to the blue thing. to magic.

I LOVE BATANGAS!!!!

{ mood } happy

3 vanity.